This post refers to a discussion that we had Sunday the 24th at Boondocker’s Cafe Restaurant. We asked people to show up and talk about what the “Church of Our Dreams” might look like. We simply handed out a sheet with a few questions in order to facilitate the discussion. The questions were simple questions about what your best and worst church experiences have been, how a church has surprised you, the biggest needs in the local communities, how to make a church fun-friendly and meaningful.
I now think it is funny to remember that my initial worry was that people would not engage with the questions and might not have a lot to say (not because they don’t have a wealth of information and experience, but simply because we all don’t know each other that well yet.) I was thrilled that the discussion could have lasted for much longer than the amount of time that we had.
Several people who attended asked if I would be willing to condense some of the answers and our response to the discussion. Let me first warn you that the discussion was so real and rich that it is going to be difficult to translate that into written words. Let me also say that I can’t capture the excitement and passion on the page the way that it seemed to be coming out in person. In other words, if you weren’t there, I feel like you missed something really cool. Let me also say that this is a very condensed version of what was said. It would take me a week to blog out all of the discussion that took place. That being said…
These thoughts appear in no particular order of importance.
Excitement!
The coolest and happiest and most surprising observation of the night was the excitement and passion that those in attendance seemed to have about what Hillside is going to be. I really felt like people were thinking to themselves that this is something special and that they are excited about being a part of it. It never occurred to me, how excited I would be about people who care. I have heard people tell me in the past that it is the innovators and the early adopters of good ideas that generate the passion that really makes great things happen. If that is the case, then I believe that we have some great innovative thinkers and some people who are already adopting our original vision for Hillside.
I will also say, for me, I have been to a lot of different churches over the last few months. I have seen interesting worship as well as worship that did not move or interest me at all. I have heard messages that were creative and motivational as well as some that seemed uninspired and boring. It took me until this morning to understand that this meeting was more “church” to me than any service that I have been to in quite some time. The reason for this is because it was REAL, Everyone Participated and Shared, It was Interesting and Intriguing, and There Was a Feeling of Excitement. I didn’t expect to have felt like I was actually in church, but I felt that very strongly.
Transformation!
A constant theme that appeared was that somehow our best church experiences have moved us to be different. Again and again the thought that whether it is the music, the message or a trip or service experience with the church, the church should Move us and Change us. The word that kept appearing was REAL. Somehow, whether or not we knew that we were articulating it, we all seem to want and desire something that is not filtered, dumbed down or dressed up. There is a lot of pressure in our culture to look our best, act our best and be our best and to hide the imperfections, the doubts, the fear, the pain, the brokenness that we all have. We are forced to do it at work and at school. We are told that in order to attract someone of the opposite sex, we need to hide who we really are until we have hooked them and pulled them into commitment.
After the discussion on Sunday, I feel like there is a hope that Hillside might be a place where we can be REAL. Maybe this is a place where we don’t have to be guarded and fake because “no one is their Sunday best.” (Quote from Zack). Maybe this is a place where we don’t have to pretend and we can be seen and accepted as we really are. Maybe we can stop seeing each other through the lens that our culture tells us to look through and see each other as we really are, as God sees us.
This is how transformation happens. Where we can see clearly who we really are and move forward together. No pretending, no posing. Just real people. Of course you can see that the bi-product of this type of REAL living would be REAL relationships, REAL transformation, REAL experiences; even in a world of ‘fakeness.’
Gifts!
I heard several people voice the thought that everyone has something to give and offer. Not all of us are going to be playing in the band. But everyone has a gift and story to share. I truly want Hillside to be a place where we hear and participate in each others’ stories. It seems to be a constant theme in the answers to so many of the questions that people need to be valued and feel valued and accepted. What better way that by being asked to use and share their gifts.
Questions!
I was excited to see this come up in the conversation in a couple of different ways. If the church values being REAL than the church should allow questions. The church shouldn’t simply allow them, but should reach out for questions. Steve made a comment about how “no one should be kicked out of church for asking questions.” There should be a place and a time to ask: What happened to the dinosaurs in the Bible? Did Noah’s Ark really happen? Why does my science teacher give me a story that seems incompatible with the creation story in Genesis? Why should the rules from a book thousands of years old affect my daily life?
There are NO easy answers to those questions. But so many Christians seem to make it sound like having questions and doubts shows a lack of faith. Church is not a place where anyone should leave their brain at the door when they enter.
Roger made the clear point that if you want to invite people who might be skeptical, “in needs to be a place that is relevant to their life.” Allowing questions and real responses seems to help that move toward relevance.
The Worst Church Experience
When we asked what the worst experience that you have had attending a church were, we heard heart-breaking stories. The more involved and devoted to a church you are, the more you can be hurt by others in the church. Many people choose to keep the church at a distance because of the pain that has been inflicted to them at a church in their past. The answers to this question really seemed to validate what I have written above. Fakeness, falseness, judgment and legalism seem to have hurt so many of us. It seems like most of us have stories of being misunderstood and judged. The group with Kim, Melissa, Ryan, Deborah and Rhondah shared how hurtful churches can be when they shun a divorced person. Who needs a church more than a person who has gone through the pain, loneliness and heartbreak of divorce? A Church should NEED these people, not shun them.
Kris took it a step further by talking about how a church who equips people to comfort, invite and welcome those who are dealing with the issues of divorce and domestic abuse. What an awesome challenge!
After reading and hearing the responses to this particular question, I am particularly personally challenged. The ego of a pastor who has judged, discounted the pain of others, separated themselves from the congregation seems to be a constant in the stories that were told on Sunday. I really want to know everyone’s name and story. I am challenged to always challenge my own humility. It seems like a very common trap for pastors. hmmmm
Fun!
I love everyone’s smiles and excitement about our desire to be a fun church. More than any one suggestion, I think that Kim and Brandon and I are all excited by the desire and life that people seem to show when we talk about having fun together.
Several people stated that coming to a church that serves you with good coffee, and good music and humor is fun. I totally agree. Also, though nobody mentioned it out loud to me, two different groups wrote the word “chocolate” in or near their answer here. I see what you are getting at here. Chocolate=Fun. Cool. Also fun… BBQ. I am in a shish-kabob mood. Let’s do it!
How I Conclude what I have Heard and Read in the Reponses.
The overwhelming themes that came from the discussion were:
- the overwhelming need of the communities that surround us (financial, family, pain, divorce, loss, loneliness)
- the need for places that will accept, love and care for people with these needs without judgment,
- the need for a place that will allow questions and allow REAL sharing and discussion
- the need for a place where people will connect with each other in a REAL and Fun way
- the need for a place that will train people to respond to need in a valuable way.
- the need for a place that values people and their gifts
- the need for a place where people can share their lives
Again. The discussion was not only fun and interesting, but challenging and informing as well. These are just ‘jumping-off’ points. But they are valuable and heartfelt. I am so excited to be a part of a group that so passionately voices these needs and desires.
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